The Lite Side

Apple's Next 3 World Changing Things: iHubbub, iSticker, and iRide for Free

- 2006.03.06

Over here at the Lite Side we've been accused of being many things - "Drooling Apple apologists," for example. "Kool-Aid drenched PC-allergic apoplectic fanatics," for another.

Taking a cue from Fox News' "Fair and Balanced" policy, we've decided it's time to pick on Apple again - and this time to bluntly point out that we are picking on Apple, so you'll notice this time - by anticipating Apple's next product announcement. Remember, last time we got

  • Speakers
  • Leather
  • Slightly less mini

So what about next time?

Well, then we expect to get the Lite Side's

Prediction for the Next Little Thing

CUPERTINO: Apple Computer announces today three new products designed to build upon the excitement generated by the Leather iPod Holder Thingy released last month. "We're really excited about this stuff," said Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, newly named Disney Board Member, and the Largest Shareholder Currently Alive Who Owns Stock in Disney and May or May Not Be Thinking of Buying The Company.

"We've worked for weeks getting ready for this announcement," stated Jobs. "You're going to love it."

During a hastily arranged press conference in Cupertino, Jobs stepped out on the tarmac of the corporate jet he landed on 1 Ellipse (to save time) holding a large red bag. "Inside this bag," he said, "Are some things that are gonna change the world."

iHubbub

Jobs proceeded to pull out of the bag an iHubbub, which he described as a "Apple-designed USB multiple-peripheral splitter" shaped like an apple core with several USB ports in it. Several meaning three - one of which is specially designed to be in the middle and connect to the host computer. "With this device, you can double the number of free USB ports you have, assuming you start with one empty USB port." he said. "Now you can have two."

iSticker

Next out of the bag was a sticker you can put on your laptop lid with an Apple logo on it. "Some of our users complained that the Apple logo is upside down when the lid is closed," he said. "Put this sticker on over the Apple logo on your PowerBook lid - just rotate it 180 degrees before sticking it down," he stated, demonstrating.

"Now you can have an upside down logo just like those old whatchamacallim's, um, PowerBooks. Yeah."

iRide for Free

Finally out of the bag was a slip of paper. "This coupon," he says, "entitles the user for a free ride on a Segway. Once you go two-wheel, you'll never go back," he said. "This will be even better than test driving a Macintosh."

Then he got on his jet and zoomed away.

Apple ignited the personal computer revolution it seems like a zillion years ago with a computer older than your kids. Then it poured gasoline on the fire when it developed the iMac. There were a bunch of other computers in between, but since the current CEO didn't work on them, we don't talk about them much. We also invented the iPod, and since then we've been kicking serious ass and making Microsoft look on with envy.

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